(Too) Close to Home

Recent circumstances have me reflecting…         

On life         

On leadership         

On mothering         

On purpose.

I share today on a more personal level as I feel there are important nuggets here for leaders of all sorts!!

First the context, then the leadership gems…

Over the last very short while, my daughter’s career has hit a very sharp hairpin turn, with a Road Closed sign ahead, sitting in front of a sheer cliff where the entire road has been washed away by a disastrous storm. Think hurricane, but man-made.

My daughter Emery is my pride and joy.

Having just relocated to D.C. in August to begin her career in International Development, she was honored to become the Practice Area Coordinator at EnCompass LLC. World-renowned for Monitoring, Evaluation and Learning in the development sector.

Having recently completed her Master’s in International Development with a concentration in Monitoring & Evaluation, fluent in Spanish, with field experience in Honduras and Argentina, she was (is!) well prepared to serve, especially in the areas of greatest need.

Starting a year ahead of graduation, she methodically researched the ways and organizations in which to pursue her life’s work. EnCompass in D.C. was the golden child and Emery was thrilled to be selected to join this distinguished and impactful organization in a role created to support their exponential growth.

This line of work has been her life’s calling since a young age.

When Emery was five years old, three tragic events had befallen people close to her. A friend’s younger sister had suffered burns on her body and was at Shriners Hospital for treatment. Another family had lost a child in childbirth and were journeying to Rwanda to adopt a recently orphaned infant. And third, a young boy in our mother-daughter music class had developed a rare illness and needed all-wooden toys (as his plastic toys were exacerbating his symptoms).

One day she said at dinner “Can we do a yard sale because I’d like to sell my toys and give the money to I, A, & O [identities protected]?”

Take your breath away parenting moment!

While it was the dead of winter, and a yard sale was not practical, we helped her do just that. She set up a table at an indoor community event, picked out all of her toys she wanted to sell, and created a poster describing who the money was going to. You can only imagine the heart-stopping moment when the grief-stricken dad saw Emery’s sign and learned that 1/3 of the money would help them for their trip to Rwanda.

Humanitarian work has been the through-line of Emery’s life.

And so, you can probably imagine if you’ve heard the recent news, that her job, career, entire profession, organization, sector and life’s calling has hit an abrupt brick wall. Her co-workers, peers, mentors, bosses, and role models have all been laid off in recent weeks. Not just at her company, but around the world.

I share this not to evoke sympathy but instead to reflect on what she, I, and other leaders may glean from this situation.

As I move through a wide-range of momma bear emotions,

I can readily extract these four “don’t lose sight of” nuggets to share with you:

1. The importance of mentors, coaches and support networks

Emery has been fortunate to have the guidance and insights of many mentors in her young career and education. I too have been fortunate to call upon mentors, coaches and my network in times of change. Likewise, I feel honored to serve as a trusted coach, advisor and support to many of you throughout your leadership journeys and transitions too.

I am reminded in moments like this of the simple to say and harder to do wisdom of nurturing supportive relationships throughout your career.

Don’t let those relationships go cold during times when you are humming along. You’ll never know when you’ll most need a close and supportive network. And equally important, when afforded the opportunity, nurture the next generation of leaders in whatever ways most speak to you. Whether through personally mentoring them, or providing them leadership growth and development opportunities.

2. The virtues of following your path (your calling, your passion, your purpose)

In a “coaching” conversation with Emery in recent weeks, I encouraged her to consider doing something zany during this unprecedented hiatus in her profession.

As 10,000’s of similarly credentialed professionals enter the unemployment lines and ignite a job search simultaneously, the environment will be chaotic and perhaps frustratingly depressing. So, we’ve encouraged her to consider a near-term pivot, perhaps using her Spanish fluency, worldwide aspirations, or desire to deepen or widen her experience. The exploration of what if is in her hands; we are here as parents to offer advice when asked. Otherwise, supporting her wholeheartedly, and otherwise, in unconditional love as she seeks and explores.

Learning: Despite a detour, you can still pursue your passion and purpose in ways yet imagined. Oh, how I wish she didn’t have to experience this, this early in her career, but so it is.

Purpose is enduring. Your life’s story has many chapters.

May yours have a through-line that aligns with your core purpose.

Despite her 23-year youthfulness, Emery’s storyline is already being written — unfolding since those early experiences as a five-year-old. Each experience adds to the next.

3. Grace in moving forward after career disruption

I know that Emery, my cousin’s son Rachid, their fellow humanitarians, and scores of recently unemployed have been bombarded with an outpouring of admiration, kind offers of free workshops and coaching, chat groups with those facing similar upheavals, supporters of all sorts, and more. Emery is grateful for all of it. Yet while working into the wee hours of the night each night for weeks, as one of the last handful to close down the projects and company, she’s not had a moment to feel the feelings.

Some in her situation will have no choice but to just pick up and move on. I hope that all of those who have been affected by major job and career disruptions, will find some ways to reflect.

Some advice:

• Take the time to journal or voice record. Feel the emotions. All of them! The pride in your accomplishments. And the grief in your loss. Remember that you are not your job. You are a complete human being. Your identity goes beyond the work you do, even if you work in full alignment with your core values and purpose.

• See what emerges for you in these reflections – you may validate that you wish to seek more of the same, or you may wish to take a road you’ve not yet traveled.

• Create some sort of closure. Symbolically perhaps. In private or in a small community of friends. Come together. Note this milestone. Release it.

• Ask for Letters of Recommendation. Soon! While you are top of mind and their reflections on your numerous contributions are fresh.

• Request them from all sorts of people (the more the better!): peers, direct reports, higher ups, bosses, project leaders, etc. Have them sent to you, addressed with To Whom It May Concern (for now), as a PDF.

• These will be invaluable to you in multiple ways:

• First, the obvious…when you are asked for references in your job search:

• For instance, if you cannot reach the person at the moment because they’ve gotten too busy or you can’t find their latest contact info. With these letters in hand, you can provide the written letter you already have, as a fallback.

• But also, as you are selecting who to list as a reference for highlighting particular job attributes, you can now choose more precisely because you have an idea of what they’ll say about your strengths.

• Second, when you are feeling down, in a slump, or need wind in your sails. You can take out all of those amazing letters and re-read them. Reminding yourself in an instant of all of the attributes and contributions that others see in you!!

And a lesson in this for leaders enacting layoffs, I strongly encourage you to provide supportive resources for those in transition whenever feasible. The range of possibilities is as wide as your imagination and the goodwill you build will be remembered for a long time. Build bridges.

And, of course, quickly and professionally provide Letters of Recommendation when asked. You may not even fathom how much it will mean to this former member of your team.

4. Authentic leadership

The fourth learning that I have gleaned from Emery’s early career experience…

I will be forever grateful that Emery chose EnCompass at this stage in her career. She witnessed first-hand authenticity and an organizational culture shaped by visionary leaders. She will forever be etched by this experience.

Although I never got to meet any of the people she worked with and for, I recognize excellence when I see it. The leaders and staff of EnCompass walked the walk.

As someone who creates organizational transformation and excellence for a living, I know that what they have created and sustained over 25 years is not simple, nor easy!!

Upon announcing that they are regrettably closing up shop, the outpouring of sentiments from clients, partners, sector friends and competitors, implementers, and former staff, says it best. They are respected and revered around the country and world for their impact, integrity, unique approaches, and grooming generations of program evaluators and implementers.

Her experience has been remarkable. As I listened to Emery share about her orientation process, early weeks, and all the way through, several things seemed readily apparent:

• This organization lived and breathed their distinctive approaches. Across the industry, they took an appreciative approach to monitoring and evaluation – meaning they sought to identify and build from strengths as appreciative inquiry espouses.

• They took this same approach internally in individual staff evaluation and growth conversations. They went against performance evaluation norms, building this into their organization decades ago.

• They are person-centered. Among the numerous things that drew Emery to Encompass was their value of respect for the individual participants and programs they are evaluating.

Much to Emery’s delight, they led the organization in a similar person-centered way:

• Introducing her at her first all-department meeting, each person came prepared to ask her a personal question to get to know her.

• The President met one-on-one with each new staff member in their first two weeks.

• The Directors, Managers, and Vice President whom she supported in her Practice Area, each met with her one-on-one to get to know her, her them, and connect on a person-to-person level. They became fast colleagues and some likely life-long mentors and friends.

• Her direct supervisor was (is!!) exceptional. Connecting with her daily in her early adjustment weeks. Then set future-oriented goals with her, just a few months in, based on her skills and role, but also her development interests.

• And then, he followed through (in short order!!). Creating opportunity after opportunity, for her to excel, make even bigger contributions, and grow, while still fulfilling all of the duties of her core role.

• Tessie, the CEO, looking out for Emery in the final wind down week with personal messages and connections.

• And mind you, all of this was in just the six short months Emery was there.

The final leadership lesson I leave you with that has emerged for me from this situation is: Nurture hope!

In gathering with friends and family to embrace Emery after signing off on her last day of work, our next-door neighbor shared this quote from the late Rabbi Sacks:

Optimism is the belief that things are going to get better. Hope is the belief that we can make things better. Optimism is a passive virtue; hope is an active one. It takes no courage to be an optimist, but it does need courage to hope.

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As a young woman stated on her box of personal belongings as she walked out her office for the very last time into the streets of D.C.:

You can take the humanitarians out of USAID. But you cannot take the humanity out of humanitarians.

With tears streaming down my face as I watched the USAID clap-outs, knowing that Emery’s last day was looming, I was inspired to write this for you!!

Here’s to that young woman, Emery, Rachid, and all those who seek to serve generously:

May you never lose hope, always strive to serve, recognize the nonlinear nature of life and work, take the hairpin turns at the maximum allowable speed, and soar across this chasm, never looking down the cliff!!

We need more leaders like you in this world!!!

In closing to my readers,…May you be one of those leaders!!!!

And may you seek out and develop these sorts of individuals into your future leaders!!!

Our non-profits, our organizations, our country, and our world need people who can make a huge impact and are driven to never give up despite huge setbacks.

If you’d like to receive these Inspirations in your inbox every other week, you can subscribe to Kathy’s Excellence Advantage Inspirations Newsletter.
Kathy Letendre, President and Founder of Letendre & Associates, advises organizations and leaders to create their excellence advantage.
Contact Kathy by phone or text at 802-779-4315 or via email.